I came to this book after reading two of Tracey Thorn’s books – Bedsit Disco Queen and Naked At the Albert Hall. She and Ben met in college, and not only went on to create one of the hit bands of the ’90s, Everything But the Girl, but build a life and family together. I loved Tracey Thorn’s books and her outlook on life so much that I thought maybe, just maybe, I would like Ben too if I gave him a chance. She talked a bit about his time in hospital with a mysterious and rare illness, and as someone who suffers from multiple chronic medical issues, I’m always on the lookout for others who write about their experiences dealing with physical or mental health. I thought I might find some shared experiences or ideas, but I didn’t honestly think it would be a stand-out. I mean, when have you ever heard of a musical duo who have major musical success and then both decide to write and can do that too? It’s not bloody likely.
And yet….
I didn’t really know much about either of the two before I got started reading their books. I had a vague impression of smart people who took music seriously and managed to balance their careers and private lives better than most. That was about it, really. Of the two, I knew even less about Ben. Nothing, really. Going into this, I had no concept of his personality or viewpoints. I’m kind of glad, because it was like going for a walk on the beach and finding a whole sandbar made of pearls.
This is the story of Ben’s illness, but more than that, it is his story of what it is to be a patient. Being a patient is a unique situation. You are vulnerable in a way no other experience in life will prepare you for. You are desperate and lost and aching for someone – anyone – to see you and reach out a helping hand. In the medical system, though, you end up feeling more like a piece of machinery on a very long conveyor belt than a person.
Ben’s experience was gruesome. He started off feeling ill, and ended up suffering through multiple surgeries, infections and further complications. It took doctors a very long time and a lot of trial and error to finally diagnose him with a very rare condition that I honestly can’t remember the name or description of. It is terrifying, and even though you know he must have survived, because he was here to write about the experience, there are several points where you can barely believe it could be possible for the human body to recover from so much trauma.
He writes beautifully, but very simply. The language he uses allows you to feel as if you are in his head, going through the experience with him. I listened to the audiobook, read by the author, which further heightened this intimate feel.
I identified so strongly with so many moments in this book. The internal pleading, the need for the pain to just stop, stop, STOP, even for an hour or a minute. Just a minute. The wish for the doctors to do something that helps, that makes the discomfort recede, even slightly. Watching the faces of your loved ones as they sit by your bedside, and feeling guilt for the pain you see there. The frustration when you get a doctor or nurse who makes a mistake, or worse, just doesn’t even acknowledge that you are a person, in pain, more afraid than you have ever been before in your whole life, and in need of some compassion. Just a pat on the hand or a smile. But none are forthcoming. The disbelief when you actually do start to feel better. And the horrible weakness as your body heals, the inability to do even the most simple things from your old life without assistance. The fervent wish to go home, to leave the horrible sterility of the hospital and get back to your own home, your own bed, but then the frozen terror when you actually try to leave immediate medical assistance behind.
There is so much in this short book, and it is so raw and real. It’s upsetting, of course, but also imbued with moments of humour, even when he’s at his worst. There is love here, and hope. There is pain, but also healing. And for me, as someone who will never again know real health, who will never have a day without injections and medication and pain, there was a sense, finally, of recognition. It was such a relief to find someone putting words to the feelings I’ve struggled to express. To feel like I’m not alone, someone out there has been there too – has been somewhere even worse (because his medical situation was much, much worse than my own, and he will never be fully healthy again either). But he survived, and he seems to have gone on to live life as best he can, albeit with some limitations. He is a testament to the human body’s ability to heal and keep living, and to the mind’s ability to adapt.
It’s hard to write about this book, because it meant much more to me than the actual text itself. It is objectively a great book about illness and recovery. The writing is engaging, it never lags or gets boring, he gives enough information about his medical care for you to understand without overwhelming you with difficult terms and treatment details. Like Tracey, his voice is genuine and there’s no hint of the entitled rock star here. He could be anyone, anyone who is fighting for his life against overwhelming odds. By the end of the book you will feel like you know him. Like he’s a friend and someone you’d like to get to know even better.
I’m so glad I found this book. I recommend it to anyone who has ever been seriously ill, or anyone who wants to understand what that experience is like. I recommend it for every medical professional, and every loved one of someone in hospital right now. And I definitely recommend the audiobook, because this is a personal journey best told to you by the author himself.
In 1992, Ben Watt, a member of the band Everything but the Girl, contracted a rare life-threatening illness that baffled doctors and required months of hospital treatment and operations. This is the story of his fight for survival and the effect it had on him and those nearest him. – Goodreads
Book Title: Patient
Author: Ben Watt
Series: No
Edition: Paperback/ Audio (read by author)
Published By: Bloomsbury USA/Audible
Released: October 21, 2014 (first published 1996)
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir, Medical
Pages: 192/6hr 48min
Date Read: April 6-13, 2019
Rating: 10/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 4.04/5 (568 ratings)