Well, this one’s easy. NO. That’s my thought on small talk. But, to give a more fleshed out answer so this post isn’t just one word, I understand why it’s a thing. I get the social niceties that are required to interact with people when you don’t know them that well, haven’t seen them for a while, don’t have much in common with them or don’t have much time. It’s a vital part of the social landscape. It’s just a part I find excruciating. I don’t want to discuss the weather at length. I’d love to hear how you’re doing, but I know when I ask and you say, “fine,” that actually doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily fine. You could be having the worst week of your life, or have a really bad hangover, or really actually doing fine. But you never know because that’s what everyone says. I always appreciate it when I ask some one how they are and get an actually honest answer. Something along the lines of, “my kid got up five times last night, the dog vomited all over my shoes, I couldn’t find my phone or keys and this artful design on my sweater is actually the breakfast I put half an hour into making at 5 am that my kid threw at me… so shitty, thanks for asking.” So I get it. I do it. It’s, you know, fine.
How about you guys? How do you feel about small talk? Are you one who can happily mingle all night exchanging pleasantries while becoming increasingly inebriated? Or do you fake phone calls to get out of a small talk endless loop? Thoughts in the comments! (And yes, you can choose to ironically engage in commentary small talk if you so choose. I won’t hold it against you.)
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I find small talk boring and pointless to be honest – I’d rather have a genuine conversation with someone about something they’re interested in or passionate about, that’s so much more interesting than finding something to say about… idk the rain or whatever
I feel exactly the same way. I love delving into a deep conversation, even better if it’s about a topic that is normally skirted around in polite society. Some of my favourite memories involve alcohol and long, deep conversations!
I don’t mind small talk in doses. I even at times have small talk with my close friends. What gets me the most about it is gauging the situation you are in to know if small talk is need and to what degree, what topics, and how far do you engage. That is my anxiety in it.
I completely agree! Figuring out which topics will be suitable and enjoyable for different people when you don’t know them well can be so hard!
It can be a chore.
Yes, absolutely!
I think small talk is fairly necessary to prime the pump of communication with strangers . People are often gregarious enough that they volunteer more information in the exchange of trivialities — “Oh, I LOVE this weather! I worked in the garden all morning!” — that can lead to deeper conversations about shared interests.
This is absolutely true. And once the conversation does expand, I’m good. It’s that awkward beginning bit, and sometimes it doesn’t progress and you have to keep thinking of more smallish things to say for ages and it’s so uncomfortable and makes my skin itch. I’m perfectly happy to discuss deeply personal things with relative strangers so I much prefer people who will dive right in quickly! Or who say a quick hello and walk away so I can go back to reading my book! 😉 I think it’s a skill, and I admire those who excel at it. It’s just something I am not naturally talented at doing!
I can mingle and chat, but I’m never really happy about it.
Right???? We would get along famously. I always had a few friends I could go to parties with who would grab a drink, find a quiet corner, and sit with me in silence while watching drunk people do funny things. Or launch into a drunken philosophical discussion. Either way.
My husband is like you…. he finds mindless small talk an agony. He can do it, but he doesn’t enjoy it at all. By the way, how are you doing and how’s the weather where you are? 😉
Haha, yep, I get that. I’d much rather launch into a deep conversation about cultural relativism or what people have read or watched lately! I’m fine, thanks for asking, and yes that is completely open to interpretation as it could mean… well, pretty much anything! Nice and sunny here! And yourself? Does it look like it might rain where you are? Do you have your umbrella? 😉