Continuing on my current kick of memoirs related to mental and physical illness, I finally got around to picking up Dan Marshall’s book that has been sitting on my shelves for years and years.
This is the memoir of a man whose mother has cancer (has done most of his life) and whose father develops ALS that progresses quickly. Dan has just begun a lucrative and enjoyable career, has a girlfriend he is hoping to get serious with, and has all the benefits of a wealthy upbringing (and the holiday homes to prove it). But when his father, who has always been the glue holding the family together, gets sick, he has to drop everything to return home and help take care of him. So begins a descent into a particular type of purgatory – one where the very thing you hope for (that your dad will manage to keep living with this diagnosis for a very long time) becomes the thing that destroys your life.
Before you pick this book up, be sure you’re ready for it. Reading it means getting down in the trenches with the author. There’s pain, gross detail, anger, frustration, realistically weird responses to trauma and a truly impressive amount of references to cat piss. Being a caregiver for an ill person, let alone two ill parents, is a particularly exhausting and depressing set of circumstances. It’s exactly the type of worst case scenario we spend our lives avoiding even thinking about, let alone living with. It’s not an easy ride, and there were times during this reading experience when I really wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep going. It was very difficult to come to grips with a situation that, no matter what you do, will cause nothing but pain and heartache and loss.
This book was unlike anything I’ve read before. It’s candid – uncomfortably so – and full of swear words. I liked that. It’s got irreverent and inappropriate humour. I liked that, too. And it has a particular type of cock-eyed optimism and gratitude only familiar to those who have gotten up close and personal with chronic illness. Was it the best book I’ve read? No. The writing was sometimes repetitive, the off-beat humour didn’t always hit home, the characters weren’t very well developed (sometimes feeling like caricatures), the protagonist was frequently unlikable, and it was hard to live in these circumstances for such a long time. But despite all that, I was glad I read it. There’s something oddly comforting about stepping into the shoes of someone whose circumstances are even shittier than your own, who manages to find a way to keep going and keep loving their family in spite of it all. I felt for Dan and his entire family, and I also envied how much love was there mixed in with all the crap. If you are taking care of an ailing loved one, or if you are dealing with a medical condition yourself, you will find a lot to relate to. It’s not a book you want to pick up when you’re looking for something entertaining and upbeat, but if you’re looking for a kindred spirit in trying times or interested in what it’s like to live with or care for someone living with chronic/terminal illness, this is the book that will give you that perspective. And I’m glad Dan took a really terrible crop of lemons and at least tried to make some hard lemonade.
Dave Eggers meets David Sedaris in this uproariously funny, unflinchingly honest, and tender memoir.
Dan’s mom has always had cancer. First diagnosed when he was only ten years old, she was the model of resilience throughout his childhood, fighting her disease with tenacity and a mouth foul enough to make a sailor blush. But just as she faces a relapse, her husband —a successful businessman and devoted father—is diagnosed with ALS. He is told that in a few months’ time, he be unable to walk, eat, or breathe on his own. Dan, a recent college graduate living the good life in Los Angeles, has no choice but to return home to help.
Reinstalled in his parents’ basement (in one of the only non-Mormon homes in a Salt Lake City subdivision) Dan is reunited with his siblings. His older sister Tiffany is resentful, having stayed closer to home to bear the brunt of their mother’s illness. Younger brother Greg comes to lend a hand, giving up a journalism career and evenings cruising Chicago gay bars. Younger sister Michelle is a sullen teenager experimenting with drinking and flirting with her 35-year-old soccer coach. And baby sister Chelsea—the oddest duck in a family of misfits—can only think about dance. Together they form Team Terminal, going to battle against their parents’ illnesses and cracking plenty of jokes along the way.
As Dan steps into his role as caregiver, wheelchair wrangler, and sibling referee, he watches pieces of his previous life slip away, and comes to realize that you don’t get to choose when it’s time to grow up. – Goodreads
Book Title: Home Is Burning
Author: Dan Marshall
Series: No
Edition: Hardback
Published By: Flatiron Books
Released: October 20, 2015
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir, Illness
Pages: 320
Date Read: May 24-June 16, 2019
Rating: 7/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 3.80/5 (2,529 ratings)
I’ve had this on my shelf as long as you have. Which is odd, because I was REALLY looking forward to it at the time it published. Hopefully this will push me to get to it, because it sounds like maybe all I was hoping it would be.
It took me a while to read – longer because I couldn’t read too much in one go. But there was enough that worked here for me to be glad I stuck with it. I’d say at least give it a shot. You may find that you don’t get along with the author’s voice, in which case it probably won’t be the book for you. But you might find that there is a certain brutal honesty and willingness to be unlikable that is refreshing (if a bit wearing at times). I’d say particularly if you have any interest in the topics covered, it’s definitely worth giving it a go, if for no other reason than to finally cross it off the TBR! That definitely felt like a nice bonus. 🙂