Meredith hasn’t left her house in 1,214 days when we first meet her. It’s easy to judge this, to think it’s sad and unhealthy and even to those lacking in sympathy, pathetic. It’s easy to think that she must be miserable.
And yet, she isn’t. She’s not exactly happy with her situation, but she has made the best of it. As I listened, I was struck by the fact that, despite her circumstances, Meredith quite likely has a healthier lifestyle than many people. She eats nutritious food that she enjoys, she has a daily exercise regimen, she’s gainfully employed as a freelance writer, has a cat and a close friend, is part of online support groups, and has a therapist. She has edifying hobbies – puzzles and extensive reading – and even has a daily limit on her screen use to make sure she is, in her own words, using her time.
To some extent, we can now all imagine what it’s like to stay in our homes because of our recent experience with lockdown during the early days of the pandemic. It was forced upon us by circumstance, and so it was for Meredith as well – though we don’t know what that circumstance was until later in the book. We all had to figure out how to use what was available to us to make life fulfilling and manageable. We all got our groceries and necessities delivered, shifted to remote work, got used to communicating virtually, and took up new hobbies that would not only kill time, but also give us something to engage with and accomplish (sourdough, anyone?). This experience should make Meredith’s situation feel, if not familiar, at least a little less odd.
Because of this historical moment, I feel like this book was published at a good time. I suspect that this will still feel strange to many readers – most people have bounced back to regular normal from “new normal” quickly and don’t want to linger in lockdown-land. But it’s close enough that we do have that experience in our memories, we know what it feels like, and we had varying levels of comfort with it by the end.
As most of you know, I have multiple chronic medical conditions. I still wear N95 masks in public spaces, and my family do as well, at least for now. I don’t invite people into my home. I don’t eat in restaurants or go to social events. Arguably this is by choice, but to me it doesn’t feel like it. I feel alienated from the people around me who are healthy, because many of them no longer understand my fear (if they ever did), and also even during the pandemic there was so little willingness on many fronts to protect people like me. COVID deniers, anti-maskers and anti-vaccine sentiments didn’t feel like just differing opinions, it felt personal. The beliefs of these people directly placed my safety in the balance, and that made it feel like a very personal attack. I felt like there was an accepted margin of loss in society – and I was very clearly in the group who were considered expendable. I know not everyone felt this way – in my community most people did get vaccinated and wear masks. But the media was so full of these horrible, violent sentiments that over time I felt my trust of the world around me weaken, and I shrank into myself. I didn’t want to fight in order for my life to be seen as having equal value to theirs. I didn’t want to have to feel judgment when I wore my mask to the store. So I understand the feeling that the world isn’t a safe place, and that home is the only place you are protected from the actions of others and don’t have to put effort into just existing. But I digress.
Meredith, Alone explores many important themes. It looks at trauma, childhood, friendship, mental health, personal fulfillment, healing, and what support really looks like. Each of these themes was dealt with so delicately, with such care and understanding. But of all of them, I loved that the main theme that wove through the novel was the importance of meeting people where they’re at. I loved Meredith’s friend Sadie, because she clearly cares deeply for Meredith. She wants her to regain her ability to move out into the world, but she can see that her friend can’t force her way out of whatever has her locked in her home. And pushing her is only going to make her retreat further into her isolation. So instead, she reaches her hand out to her. She offers Meredith a continuation of the same friendship they have always shared, she offers laughter and love. She helps Meredith in tangible ways – like taking her cat to the vet – rather than trying to strongarm her into doing it herself. Even her therapist is helping her edge towards a future where she can leave her house by meeting her where she’s currently at. This is such a vital and important representation of support. It’s rare to find this in books, but also in life. I myself have had a lot of challenges with mental health. In addition to a recent diagnosis of ADHD, I also have anxiety and depression. These have historically been met by either indifference or frustration. And every time someone got annoyed with my anxiety, it made it worse. Every time someone told me I shouldn’t feel the way I did, or that whatever was triggering my anxiety “isn’t a big deal,” it got worse. You can’t force anyone to just get over a mental health issue. If you could, no one would have them. The only thing – the ONLY thing – that helps, is empathy and gentle support. If you offer someone who is trapped in a mental health crisis in their mind a glimmer of understanding and acceptance, it helps them to relax. It makes them feel validated and seen, and it offers a small chink in the closed window between them and the world. This is the first step for helping them slowly be able to move towards the very thing you want for them.** This book showed that without saying it specifically, and it did it with a gentle and loving touch that made me feel so comforted as I read.
It’s also just a great story. We are immediately drawn into Meredith’s world in the footsteps of a community care worker who knocks on her door. We enter her home with him, and we don’t leave. We stay with her, we see what she’s dealing with, we share in her memories of the events of her life that culminated in her current situation, and slowly we are allowed to understand the full story and see how it plays out. We see the people she has lost, the people who have hurt her, the events that traumatized her and what she is doing to cope with it. Because she is actively seeking ways to cope. She’s not resigned to her fate. She’s taking positive steps, she’s responding to people who reach out to her, and over time they begin to draw her out of herself. It’s also incredibly funny. I often try to use humour in stressful situations – I’ll be the severely ill patient in the hospital trying to make the nurses laugh. It’s good for everyone. This book finds the perfect balance between sincere care and hilarious humour, and it was exactly the tone I love.
This book is one that is impossible to put down, but it’s not primarily plot-based. It introduces us to characters we will love, hate, feel bad for and root for. And it does it without hitting you over the head with any of its messages. I loved my time in Meredith’s world. Rather than feeling pushed away by her isolation, I felt welcomed by it. I wanted to spend more time with her. I wanted to understand rather than judge her, and I learned a lot about the different ways in which people can react to similar events. I want more people to read this book, not only so I have people to talk about it with, but also because I think it introduces such an important perspective on mental illness and traumatic responses. This book made me feel seen, represented, and understood. I hope anyone else who has been in a similar situation will also feel the same.
**A small note on this statement. I’m discussing disorders like anxiety and trauma that are long-term and take some slow work to improve, but that can be helped over time. I’m not referring to more severe and quick-onset mental health crises like psychotic breaks which do sometimes require more immediate intervention. Obviously each person’s situation must be looked at individually and there’s no one rule that applies to every situation. This is also just my opinion based on my own experiences and I’m not a doctor or psychiatric specialist. This is meant only as a perspective on a similar type of mental health situation from my own experience.
Meredith Maggs has everything a person needs.
A best friend in Sadie.
A beloved cat in Fred.
Jigsaws to fill the time.
Recipes to perfect.
Even a weekly visit from the Tesco delivery guy.
So what if she hasn’t left the house in 1,214 days? That her memories are treacherous, and it’s getting harder to ignore the estranged sister knocking at her door.
How long can one woman keep the world out?
How long before she invites in what’s out there?
And how long does it take to discover the person you were meant to be? – Goodreads
Book Title: Meredith, Alone
Author: Claire Alexander
Series: No
Edition: Audiobook/Paperback
Published By: Grand Central Publishing
Released: November 1, 2022
Genre: Fiction, Mental Health, Trauma, Family, Sexual Violence
Pages: 368
Date Read: February 6-7, 2024
Rating: 9/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 4.05/5 (10,517 ratings)
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