I, like many people, have been following Elliot Page’s career for years. He has a wonderful ability as an actor to evoke emotion in the viewer. I’ve loved films from Juno to Whip It to Hard Candy, but I’ve always felt an edge to his work. Not quite cynicism, but definitely a feeling of some kind of hidden experience that both informed his work, but also seemed to hold him apart. A kind of shadow. Many people feel this way, for many reasons – sometimes it’s a simple as being a bit shy, other times it’s neurodivergence, others it’s mistrust based on trauma. So when Page came out as queer, I felt like maybe that was it. The missing piece. I was happy for him that he was able to be more open and live life more freely.
But that wasn’t, as we now know, the whole picture. In this memoir Elliot Page tells the whole story, from his childhood in Nova Scotia, through his difficult family relationships, to his early work as an actor and early relationships with both men and women, his experience with a stalker, the people in the film industry who sought to (and in some cases did) take advantage of him, the painful break-ups and the various issues that came from trying to be someone he wasn’t for his entire life. There’s so much pain and brutality in this story, but most of it happened in his own mind and body and behind closed doors.
This is an extremely difficult book to read. It is beautifully written, but it is like looking at someone who has just been injured and trying not to look away from the blood. It’s so difficult to bear witness to this amount of anguish, and I spent the whole book alternately crying and so angry I wanted to scream. There are all the pressures queer or trans youth deal with when they grow up in a community and/or family that is not able to see who they are or doesn’t want to, but it is ramped up to a breaking point by the professional pressure of the film industry. It is so much for anyone to bear that I don’t know how Elliot made it through.
Though it is heart wrenching to read, this book is one that I am so grateful exists in the world. It’s a first-hand account of what it feels like to grow up forced to, in essence, perform a gender that feels completely unnatural. (No wonder he’s such a good actor.) It’s also a case study in why trans kids and queer kids have such high rates of self-harm, eating disorders and suicide attempts. It’s not because of those youth, it’s because of the world that does not protect them or create a space for them to be who they are. Society’s discomfort with the very essence of these human beings has forced them to mold themselves into shapes that don’t fit, all to make others feel less threatened by difference. It’s so important that books like this are written and published, and that they’re available – not just for trans and queer youth to see themselves and know they’re not alone, but even more so for everyone else, so that all readers can all understand the harm that is done by refusing to shift society to support and value all the shades of humanity that do, whether society wants to admit it or not, exist amongst all communities throughout the world.
On a less far-reaching level, this is, of course, Elliot’s story. It lays bare each painful moment, every betrayal, every cruel word or deed, every violent confrontation and every self-inflicted punishment. It’s difficult to read, but I can’t even imagine what it must have taken to write it and send it out into a world that has proved, throughout Elliot’s entire life, that it doesn’t want to see him for who he is. The effort it took to write this cannot be overestimated, but neither can the power that comes from finally being able to stand up and say – this is me. This is who I am, and who I have always been. Don’t look away, acknowledge me. Even if you don’t accept or support me. It’s a defiant act, and one that I admire with every fibre of my being.
I’ve always been a fan of Elliot Page, but this book has made me even more of one. Now when I watch those older films, that shadow makes sense, but the films are not just entertainment – they’re evidence of a person trying to both escape the pressures of life and represent it simultaneously. I’m grateful that Elliot made the decisions along that way that saved him, that brought him closer to himself and that gave readers like me the honour of sharing this journey. Thank you. This book means the world.
Pageboy is a groundbreaking coming-of-age memoir from the Academy Award-nominated actor Elliot Page. A generation-defining actor and one of the most famous trans advocates of our time, Elliot will now be known as an uncommon literary talent, as he shares never-before-heard details and intimate interrogations on gender, love, mental health, relationships, and Hollywood. – Goodreads
Book Title: Pageboy
Author: Elliot Page
Series: No
Edition: Audiobook
Published By: Flatiron
Released: June 6, 2023
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir, Celebrity, LGBT2QIAP2S+
Pages: 271
Date Read: March 4-?, 2024
Rating: 8.5/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 3.77/5 (50,457 ratings)