I read Care Of by Ivan Coyote, which was such a perfect book to read during times of doom and despair. It offered connection, empathy, and a small but significant opportunity to leave my existence behind. I was already a fan of Coyote’s, but that book really clinched it. I’ve had Tomboy Survival Guide on my shelf for years, but hadn’t gotten around to reading it. After the brilliant experience of Care Of, I immediately picked it up and it was just as good.
For those who aren’t familiar with Care Of (you can read my review here), it’s a collection of letters, notes and emails sent to or left for Ivan Coyote over the years – mostly after live gigs everywhere from schools to libraries to bars across Canada (and much farther afield). They saved the most heartfelt and emotional of these for years, tucked away in digital and physical folders. When the pandemic hit and live gigs were suddenly cancelled without any idea when they’d be back on, Coyote suddenly had time to dig these letters out and reply to them properly, often with a story in return. It’s a gorgeous book, and I adored it.
Tomboy Survival Guide is an earlier work of non-fiction, a memoir of growing up as a “tomboy” in the Yukon. It’s a rough area, both in terms of the habitat and the culture, but also one that raises tough folks. Coyote recounts some of their memories of growing up different in a place and time that had no language or concept of gender spectrums or of non-binary and trans identities. You were a girl or a boy, and you were whatever you were born into. End of. Except they weren’t.
Stories pour out from there, through many stages of self discovery (and re-discovery), the challenges faced in seemingly normal everyday situations (doctors offices being a particular minefield), what it was like being trans in various different workplaces, and what it felt like to be who they were throughout all of it. These stories are insightful, educational (seriously, if you want to begin to understand what it means to be trans or gender non-conforming and understand the situations that can be the hardest, this is a great place to start), and so relatable – to anyone, but particularly those who have been different in any way, and particularly those who are LGBTQ2IAP+. In these pages you will find someone who is resilient, kind, extremely smart, and honest to a fault. Definitely pick it up right away (the audiobook was particularly excellent!)
Ivan Coyote is a celebrated storyteller and the author of ten previous books, including Gender Failure (with Rae Spoon) and One in Every Crowd, a collection for LGBT youth. Tomboy Survival Guide is a funny and moving memoir told in stories, in which Ivan recounts the pleasures and difficulties of growing up a tomboy in Canada’s Yukon, and how they learned to embrace their tomboy past while carving out a space for those of us who don’t fit neatly into boxes or identities or labels.
Ivan writes movingly about many firsts: the first time they were mistaken for a boy; the first time they purposely discarded their bikini top so they could join the boys at the local swimming pool; and the first time they were chastised for using the women’s washroom. Ivan also explores their years as a young butch, dealing with new infatuations and old baggage, and life as a gender-box-defying adult, in which they offer advice to young people while seeking guidance from others. (And for tomboys in training, there are even directions on building your very own unicorn trap.)
Tomboy Survival Guide warmly recounts Ivan’s adventures and mishaps as a diffident yet free-spirited tomboy, and maps their journey through treacherous gender landscapes and a maze of labels that don’t quite stick, to a place of self-acceptance and an authentic and personal strength. These heartfelt, funny, and moving stories are about the culture of difference—a “guide” to being true to one’s self. – Goodreads
Book Title: Tomboy Survival Guide
Author: Ivan Coyote
Series: No
Edition: Paperback/Audiobook
Published By: Arsenal Pulp Press
Released: October 18, 2018 (first published September 2016)
Genre: Non-Fiction, Gender, Memoir
Pages: 239
Date Read: October 16, 2021
Rating: 10/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 4.45/5 (1,804 ratings)