Well, as confusing as it may seem, I’m going to have to say both. I always thought of myself as an introvert, but I then had a phase where I was going out all the time, had a bunch of different groups of friends I hung out with and was generally pretty good at being at the centre of things. I loved the energy that I soaked up, I loved talking to new people, staying out too late, dancing. But, I always then needed to go home and spend some time alone to recharge. I think that my ADHD is the part of me that likes to go out and be social. But I have a lot of autism traits as well (I suspect I may be AuDHD), and that part of me thrives on routine, time alone, losing myself in a hyperfocus or hobby and being in my own space. So it’s impossible to say I’m one or the other. It depends on the day. It depends on my mood. It depends if I slept well. It depends on the phase of life I’m in (these days, between parenting and COVID + medical issues, I do not go out anywhere). So it really can’t be that simple.
What about you guys? Introvert or extrovert? Anyone like me who is a bit of both?
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Good to read about another ambivert
Yes, I feel like the extremes of intro- and extrovert don’t leave enough grey area in the middle for us!
I was in a very extroverted profession: teaching but I am an introvert. I need to recharge at home and will insist that my hubby do things like call about professional things, like finding a plumber. I freeze up thinking about making contact with strangers that way. But when the plumber arrives, I am friendly and have no problems communicating.
I have two daughters, one is a big extrovert and the other a deep introvert. My extrovert is the only one who can get her introverted sister to do things that would typically make her very uncomfortable. I’ve always wished for her that some friend would come along who could see through her introversion and include her in things. Extroverts can be so impatient with introverts’ reticence to jump into things.
I totally get that. I’m a mix of both because of neurodivergence, but I think if I weren’t I’d probably be introverted. I can be the life of the party, but equally I then need time alone to recharge. I don’t mind calling professional people on the phone that I don’t know, but I don’t like talking on the phone to people I know unless it’s someone really close to me. I feel awkward and stressed. Just text me! That’s lovely that your two daughters are able to balance out the introversion in that way. I think introverted people have an easier time heading out of their comfort zone if it’s with someone they trust! One thing that bugs me is that extroversion is seen as the norm and introversion is often framed as a negative thing that needs to be “fixed” or can be treated with frustration. I don’t think it should be that way – it’s just different. I think in some situations introverts have the edge. Like take lockdown – extroverts were climbing the walls and introverts got on with their newest hobbies! Not that it’s that simple, but I just think there are pros and cons both ways, if that makes sense.
I think on the whole, most people would fall somewhere in the middle. Most I know tend to be extroverts, or at least that’s what they tell me, but I think, globally, most fall all along the scale.
Yes, I think like many things, it’s a spectrum. People can fall close to one end or the other, but many will fall somewhere in the middle with perhaps a slight tendency towards one or the other more. I’m not sure for myself, because I have ADHD with a lot of autistic traits (I suspect I’m AuDHD), so it’s like I have two sides to my brain that are completely opposite. One craves order, routine, hyperfocusing on solo interests and doesn’t like a lot of stimulus. But the other is disorganized, energetic and craves adventures and new social experiences. So I feel like at times in my life I’ve genuinely been both. Now I have a kid who takes a lot of emotional energy, and I’ve had a lot of traumatic experiences in the past decade. I also learned to be alone through parenting at home and health issues during COVID, so now I really don’t need much social interaction and I’m genuinely fine. I don’t crave it, I don’t want it, and it sounds frankly terrible. I want to be at home, read books, work on hobbies and garden. But I’ve also had periods in my life where all I wanted was to go out and dance and meet people and do exciting things. I’d get restless if I tried to stay home alone. So it’s hard to say where I fall. I bounce from one extreme to the other. I’ve often thought of myself as introverted though because I find forced social interaction extremely draining and I then need to be alone to recharge. So perhaps without the layers of neurodivergence, I’d lean a bit towards the solo end of the spectrum. It’s interesting!
I used to think I was a bit of both, before learning about the neurological differences. Now I think I seem to be wired to be a total introvert, and (at least since midlife) enjoy staying at home for weeks on end, but like all baby-boomers I received a LOT of pressure to act like an extrovert and was able to learn that behavior. To some extent, anyway.
I think we *are* physically introverts or extroverts, normally for life, just as we *are* whatever height, color, age, sex, etc.–but anybody can learn either style of behavior and keep it up for a few hours.
I don’t know much about the neurological differences between introverts and extroverts. But I am learning about neurodivergence since my ADHD diagnosis, and that’s an interesting thing of its own! I’m either AuDHD or ADHD with a fair number of autistic traits. Generally that’s described as having two completely different sets of needs and behaviours pushing against one another in the same person – and that’s exactly how it feels in my brain! So I have times where the autistic side is predominant and I need to be alone because I experience sensory overload if I’m in a group or a public space. But then I’ve also had times where the ADHD part is taking the wheel and I can’t sit still at home because I’m too restless and I just need to go out and have experiences and interact with people. Both are genuinely me, just based on what’s happening in my brain at that time. I do wonder, if I didn’t have ADHD/AuDHD, would I be an introvert or extrovert? It’s hard to say. I love meeting people and dancing and having adventures. But equally I also love retreating into my own quiet space and reading or working on my hobbies. So who knows – I guess I’m an outlier!
Does yours depend on who you’re with? I’m very quiet in some scenarios and outspoken in others, and people who see me in both contexts are often surprised.
Hmmm… sometimes. I feed off energy – I can create my own if I’m alone and engaged in something I find very interesting, or I can get it from a buzzing social situation – music, conversation with people, etc. So it can be based on other people, but also sometimes I want to be around people and feel restless when I’m alone, other times I feel drained if I’m around people and just want to be alone, so I think it also depends on what’s happening in my brain!