I don’t really have a mantra or anything like that. But there are a few things I’ve either read or been told that have stuck with me. The first I don’t remember word for word, but is something along the lines of “perfect is the enemy of good enough.” I’m a perfectionist with anxiety, and it used to be hard for me to ever feel like I’d ever done anything well enough. When I became a parent, this became untenable. One of the nurses who helped me used to tell me something along these lines (I can’t remember the wording she used, which was specific, but this was the gist). She said studies have shown that kids do better with parents who accept that they won’t be perfect and just focus on being good enough. Doing the important things well and allowing for mistakes and days when you don’t go to the park because you’re too tired, or allow your kid to watch more TV than is recommended, because life isn’t perfect and it’s unreasonable to expect that you will be. It was a huge relief because it gave me permission to relax a bit and just do my best and not feel guilty that it wasn’t better.
Another saying I love is an Oscar Wilde quote (of course): “We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.” Depression is a beast. It lies to you and wants you to see the bad in the world. To focus on what’s wrong and all the many negatives. I’ve spent the last five years learning to choose what I focus on. In a day when things are stressful or not going right, I can now choose to focus on the moment when my kid hugs me and says “I love you more, Mummy.” I can choose to focus on the moment when two hummingbirds settled on adjacent branches without fighting and stayed, twitching their tails. I can choose to focus on the few minutes when one of my favourite songs was playing and my kid and I stopped making dinner to hold hands and dance around the kitchen. That choice is the difference between a mostly miserable life and a fairly happy one. Life is the same, but I choose which parts of it matter the most and which I want to give energy to. It’s taken such a long time, and there are definitely days when I don’t feel able to make that choice, but on the days when I can, it’s beautiful.
What about you guys? Are there any quotes or words of advice you reach for when you need inspiration or comfort?
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’m a perfectionist with anxiety issues, too! It’s definitely not easy, but it sounds like you’ve developed great coping mechanisms.
I have, but at the same time they fail as often as they work, and they don’t work for everything. I’m mostly working on learning to accept my flaws and limits and stop the guilt party when I just can’t do what other moms do! Always a work in progress, right? Anxiety is a real beast. It’s so much harder than people realize – they seem to think it’s like when they were nervous for a job interview or something. But it’s like ALL THE TIME and over things that other people don’t even notice. It’s exhausting. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that as well. I hope you have some strategies to help you calm your brain when you need them!
I agree with your Oscar Wilde quote. Hard to remember at times.
I have it on a necklace, I love it so much! Life is hard. But there is also always beauty and joy, even if you really have to look for it – it’s there!